Scones
by DoitsuDeutschland
Summary: England invites America over for a visit, to try something that he's been working on. Too bad America isn't going to like what England has to make. -Parody of the MLP fanfic called Cupcakes-


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Ever heard of Cupcakes?

If you have, then you know what's going to happen, if not... well... sit back and enjoy the show.

Summery: England invites America over for a visit, to try something that he's been working on. Too bad America isn't going to like what England has to make.

Warning: blood, violence, mutliation, vomiting, cannibalism, OOC, character death, cussing, experimentation, 2P!England, horrible things

I own nothing, the plot is a parody of Cupcakes by Sergent Sprinkles. They own the original story (if they truly are the one to write it). I just own my parody version.

Pairings: None

NOTE! NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. THIS STORY WILL MAKE THINGS UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU AND IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO READ A STORY LIKE THIS THEN PLEASE TURN AWAY. IT WILL BE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. EVEN I AM UNCOMFORTABLE BY THIS AND I WROTE IT.

NOTE II! I believe 2P!England is nice but very demented, like, insanely demented. He is similar to Russia but he never shows his true feelings once he has a smile on his lips. He also is a good chef, however he tends to... add 'extra' ingredients that would normally never be placed in the dishes he makes. Prepare to meet 2P!England. Some of 2P!England's jokes come from the Cupcakes story, just so you know.

There is a playlist to this fanfic that just made things creepier when writing this. I listened to The Rugrats Theory (original, Kaito, and Oliver versions), Carol of the Old Ones (Oliver version), iNSaNiTY -frost remix- (again, Oliver version), Kakome Kakome, Black and White Ward, and Dark Woods Circus. Listening to creepy-ass Vocaloid songs makes writing this easier but weirder.

On with the fic.

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><p>Scones<p>

Dark Hetalia One-shot

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><p>Alfred F. Jones, the United States of America, was well known amongst is fellow nations for being all over the place and being the hero. He is active and always tries to help, even if they don't want his help. Today is just a normal day, another World Meeting has just ended and Alfred sits in his hotel room, having gotten dressed in casual clothing.<p>

Today he is going over to Arthur's, the British nation said he had a special surprise for Alfred that he was just dying to show him. Alfred wasn't sure what the surprise could be but he was excited anyway. He strolled down the streets of London until he found his friend's home.

"Arthur!" The American grinned as he knocked on the door. A moment later it opened and there stood Arthur, smiling at him.

"Ah, Alfred! You came, do come in." He continued to smile, seeming to be in a good mood.

"Thanks for having me over, what's the surprise?" Alfred asked as he stepped inside, kicking off his shoes.

"This." Arthur handed him a scone and Alfred frowned a little.

"Um, thanks? But you give me scones all the time."

"Oh, but this is a special scone Alfred! I'm trying a new recipe and I wanted you to be the first to try it!" Arthur said, the smile still planted on his face. It was a little weird but Alfred shrugged and took the scone, taking a bit and blinking.

He grinned. "Hey! This is really good!"

Arthur let out a small chuckle. "Yep, and now I think you should take a little nap."

"A little nap? Why... ooohh..." Suddenly the world became hazy and Alfred felt light headed before he collapsed, falling into the darkness of unconsciousness.

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><p>When Alfred woke up, he noticed he could not move his arms or legs.<p>

Blinking his tired eyes open, he noticed he was under a single dim light, hanging above his head. He saw that his limbs were tied down with worn leather straps, keeping him in place on several boards. He felt a strap on his head, keep his head in place on the board going from his head and down past his legs, his arms were tied to a board as well, same with his legs. He also notice that he was stripped naked.

Panic started to kick in, where the hell was he? "Ooh~! You're awake!" He looked about, hearing a voice.

"A-Arthur...?" He questioned, seeing the Brit step out of the shadows. However, he didn't look like the Arthur that Alfred knew. This Arthur had clear blue eyes, wide in forced joy, his hair had become a strawberry blond it seems. His outfit was a weird pink, blue, and purple mix, different from the usual colors he wore. "Arthur..?" He questioned once more.

"Hello Alfred, I was wondering when you would wake up! I can't have you sleeping during our playtime!" He giggled, he actually giggled! This was creepy, was Arthur messing with him? Was this like one of his Halloween pranks?

Alfred let out a nervous, forced laugh, trying to keep his fear in check. "H-heh... hahaha! Very funny Iggy..! You really got me this time..! S-sooo... can ya let me go and stuff so we can have a good laugh about all of this..?"

Arthur just continued to smile. "No." Was all he said before he walked back into the darkness and then there was a clicking sound, suddenly the lights came on and Alfred stared in shocked at what he saw.

Blood, there was blood all over the walls and floor. He saw tables lined with human skulls, some had holes, come were cracked, some were missing skull caps, and some were missing their lower jaws.

There were organs scattered about, looking like decorations for a party, hell, some of the organs were inflated like balloons, just to add to the effect! There were skins nailed to the walls, looking like animal skins for decorations.

There were several skeletons being held up by hooks, same with a few headless bodies that dangled upside down from some of these hooks. Several perserved heads were placed about the room, some were deformed from what happened to them, others were shrunken. It was morbid, what was this room?

"What... what the hell..?" Alfred could only stare in shock.

The creepy Arthur look-a-like stood by a light switch, giggling like a fool. "Surprise~! I decorated the room just for you! I was saving the organs for something else but I couldn't help but think they would make the room look lovely, you know, to make it look less dreary." He giggled again and skipped over to Alfred, dragging a cart with him.

The cart contained a medical bag, a bucket, deveral trays, and different medical tools. Arthur's blue eyes held a frightening gleam to them as he looked at Alfred. "We're going to have some fun Alfred! You're going to help me with something~"

"H-h-how will I help you..? I can't... can't do anything when like this..." He was getting to the point of being down right terrified. What the hell was Arthur doing?

"Do you know what I need your help for~?" Arthur ignored his questions as he moved closer. "You're going to help me make..." He leaned into Alfred's ear, "scones."

He pulled back and smiled before going over to the cart. "And to answer your questions, you will be helping my by just being there! Now don't go anywhere, oh wait, you can't go anywhere!" He laughed, it echoed of the walls, as he picked up a scalpel and walked over.

Alfred watched him, his heart beating fast. "What are you doing with that?"

"I'm just going to take a bit of you away, you know, to taste test!" Arthur smile and took the blade, cutting into Alfred's thigh. He let out a scream at the pain but Arthur didn't really notice as he cut a messy circle in his skin. He took another blade and sliced the circular skin from the body, exposing bloody muscles underneath. Alfred hissed as Arthur blew on the red meat.

Arthur looked at the chunk of skin and pulled at some of the muscle that still clung to it, and popped it into his mouth, much to Alfred's horror. "Hm, it's different then the humans, but better then some nations I've tried."

"You... what the hell...?"

"Oh~ you want to try?" Arthur thrust the skin into Alfred's mouth, making his spit it out onto the floor. Suddenly he vomited from the reaction to his own skin and blood being in his mouth and what Arthur had just done.

The other nation just stepped back and picked up the skin, dusting it off with a calm smile. "Oh Alfred, don't be rude. I thought I taught you better! Hmm, what shall we play with next?" He examined the American nation and spotted the nice, long scar he had on his back from his civil war. "Ooh! Let's play with this!"

"What are you doing..! People are going to know something is up! People will know I'm missing!"

Arthur just smiled. "Oh Alfred, people are so stupid. I've been doing this for so long, no one ever notices a thing!"

Like before, Arthur took the scalpel and started to cut, only this time he was cutting around the long scar. Alfred clenched his teeth, not wanting to scream. Once Arthur finished making the cut and connected the end to the beginning, he looked at the scar and then pinched one of the ends. What happened next was just too cruel.

He literally pulled the scar off Alfred's body. The young, blue eyed nation screamed in horrible pain as he felt his skin being torn right from his body, yanking at the muscles and nerves, sending wave after wave of pain right up his spine.

The pain became too much for Alfred and he passed out. When Alfred woke up once more, he felt a pain in his chest, like someone had pinched him. He felt dull pain from his thigh and and back, the scent of blood, vomit and... was that urine, oh, it was... drifted into his nose. He felt sick, horribly sick.

"Finally, you're awake!" Alfred's dulling eyes looked at Arthur, who didn't seem pleased. "How dare you!" He yelled, pointing a syringe at him, he had used it to wake up Alfred since it had been an adrenalin shot.

"How dare I...?" Alfred asked, confused and dizzy.

"You feel asleep! That's not fair! Don't you think I'd like to sleep as well, you know, just drop what I'm doing right now and do upstairs to take a little nap? No! I can't! I have to stay down here and fix you up so that you can make my next batch of scones better then the last and then I have to clean up the mess that always followes! I didn't ask to have this job, I don't want to do it but I have to because it's the right thing to do! And jsut because your my friend and your number came up doesn't mean I'm going to let you sleep as I do all the work! Don't fall asleep on me because it's just rude!" He narrowed his eyes.

Arthur let out a sigh a moment later and the smile was once again on his face. "Alright, back to work!" He walked over to the cart.

The surge of adrenaline kicked into high gear and Alfred panicked. "Arthur! Please... let me go! Please! I don't want to die, I won't tell anyone about any of this...! Just let me go!" He was crying, he wasn't brave right now but no one could blame him.

The small man pouted a bit. "Sorry Alfred, your number came up and orders are orders~!" He smiled and Alfred started to sob and thrash about, trying to use his strength to escape the binds. Arthur didn't like this, even with the pain and bloodloss, Alfred was still powerful. Then he got an idea and reached into the medical bag, pulling out four nails and a hammer.

"Arthur... please! Let me go! I'm sorry if I did anything to upset you, but please..! I need to go to a hospital..!" What was Arthur going to do to him? He couldn't really kill another nation, right? No... humans can't kill nations, but nations can kill their own kind. Was Arthur really going to do that...? Why would he...?

He watched as Arthur took one of the nails and walked over to him, positioning it on his wrist. "What are you doing?" Alfred asked, fear rising once more.

"You'll see~!" Arthur said as he took the hammer and hit the nail. Alfred let out of another yell of pain, more tears coming down his cheeks as he felt the metal nail go through his wrist and into the board. Another nail was placed into the other wrist, the sharp pain made Alfred very dizzy and he moaned in pain, his vision fuzzy.

Clear blue eyes narrowed. "Don't fall asleep again!" Arthur growled and slammed the other two nails into Alfred's legs before looking at them. Another idea came to mind, something he had been wanting to try for a while actually.

He then walked to another part of the room, taking a car battery and two clamps into his hands and walked back over. He took the clamps and tapped them together, feeling a spark come from them. "This will wake you up~" He smiled and attached the clamps to the nails at Alfred's feet.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Alfred twitched horribly at the electric shock that shot up his spine and tormented his suffering nerves. The exposed mucsles twitched terribly at the shocks. The pain made Alfred vomit once more, and blood seeped from the wounds. There was the slight scent of burnt flesh in the already disgusting air.

Arthur removed the clamps, seeing the burnt skin around the nails. Alfred was having reaction twitches, his body hurt so much. How was he still able to stay awake? "Now, onto the final part." Arthur spoke to him as if he was a little child and went to the table, taking up the scalpel once more and picking up another syringe before making his way towards Alfred.

"I'm going to make this all the more enjoyable for you~ I'm going to inject this into you and you will be numb but your will be able to stay awake to watch the show!" He stuck the needle into Alfred's spine, hearing him wince. It only took a few minutes for Alfred to lose feeling but he was still awake.

"W-why... I'm sick Iggy... please let me go home..." Alfred spoke so softly, he was so tired.

"I'm sorry Alfred, but this is how things have to be~!"

Taking the sharp blade and placing it to Alfred's skin, the Brit cut a long line, starting from the middle of his chest and down past his belly button. He then made two horizontal cuts near the tips of the line. "Hey Alfred, I've got an 'I' on you!" He laughed at his own joke. He took four pins and pulled back the skin of Alfred's chest, using the pins to keep the skin in place.

Blue eyes stared at the moving organs that were now exposed. He started to hyperventilate, watching his lungs move faster and his heart beat quickened. Arthur hummed to himself as he used his trusty knife to start pulling organs out, starting with the intestines.

He removed the small intestines and wrapped then around his neck. "Look at me, I'm like Felix or the frog, I look like a girl~!" He laughed before tossing them aside on a table in the room before he used his scalpel again.

Then came the large intestines that he squeezed to remove the waste that was inside before playing with it. "Look, you can skip rope with these~ remember when you use to play skipping rope when you were a lad?" He then pulled the organ between his teeth. "Dentist says you should always floss!"

"A-Arthur..." Alfred wheezed out, he was so dizzy from panic and bloodloss. Arthur didn't hear him as he continued to pull out organs, stopping short of the vital lungs and heart. The strawberry blond smiled a bit at Alfred.

"It will be over soon~" He took the blade and placed it at Alfred's throat. "Any last words?"

"... I-Iggy... p-p...lease..."

"I wish you had last longer, but oh well, we had so many good years together. Bye Alfred, I'll miss you the most!" That was the last thing Alfred heard before he closed his eyes forever, feeling the blade cut into his neck.

"Oh Alfred, my sweet little colony, you did so good!" Arthur chuckled as he pet Alfred's head, enjoying the peaceful expression on the other's face, as if he was sleeping.

The head of his former little brother sat on the table, its body dangling from the ceiling to have the last of the liquids drained from it into a pan below. It had taken around thirty minutes to kill Alfred, including the time he passed out. He didn't put up as much of a fight as Arthur had expected, but then again, Alfred could be a big wimp.

Arthur looked at the body and then at the head, the body was in very good shaped compared to some of the others... hmm... a huge smile came to the Brit's face. "Alfred can still be with me!" He laughed, yes! He was good as sewing and had stuffed and animal or two, he could keep Alfred with him forever!

And when his friends' numbers come up, he can do the same with them! Oh he was so happy! His friends didn't have to leave him! He took the head and went to get his sewing kit, there was a lot of work to be done. No scones today, but not to worry, another number will be pulled soon!

END

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><p>... Yep, this is my official ticket to hell. Welp, I'm sure some of you enjoyed this and some of you want me dead for killed Alfred in such a brutal way.<p>

Personally, I'm tempted to do Le Petite Four (a parody sequel to Cupcakes) with Francis as the poor victim, but I doubt I'd get around to it.

This was really had to write because I had to change so many things but still keep as close to the original plot as I could, hopefully I did a good job.

Please review. No flames though.


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